Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
