I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
