You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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