worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
