i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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