OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
