no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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