dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
