Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize