One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
