i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
