Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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