Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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