my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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