Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Vodka?
Forever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
True strength comes from lack of pants
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
