So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
