i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
