the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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