There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
