im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
