sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
