the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your penis caused this!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
