WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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