i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
