if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
