please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
