in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
