I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
