so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize