Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
