wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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