Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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