I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
