I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize