just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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