it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize