I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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