This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
