Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
