Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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