Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
