you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
