she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
