i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
