So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
