Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
