I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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