dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
pop tarts are not kleenex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize