My hair reeks of homosexuality.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
