Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We don't watch enough power rangers
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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