dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
