im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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