Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
