no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
