she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize