She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
