its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you inspire me to be a worse person
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
