At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
