I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What a fucking waste of an outfit
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
