all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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