He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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