he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
