I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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