i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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