Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
