i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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