my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
