i just sent this text using only my big toe
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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