so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The uberlube is also flammable
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize