it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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